I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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