i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
