Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize