why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
