You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
