I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
