maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
