When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
