his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
