2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
