Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize