im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
