your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
