I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
