Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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