Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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