i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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