also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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