??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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