I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize