It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
