he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
