I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
