i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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