tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize