he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize