we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
