Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
