she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
