Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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