that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
