Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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