Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
