I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
