i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
two words...techno handjob
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
