i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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