why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
