I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
