my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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