she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
