I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
