That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
