This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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