Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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