i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize