Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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