booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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