Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
