Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
