And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
