a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
