Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
