I wish life had little blips of pornography
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
