She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize