Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's the barista slut.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
