make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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