I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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