i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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