I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
