I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
