dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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