Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
