Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
