drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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