its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
