nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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