What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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