dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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