I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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