he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
