3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
