I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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