my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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