If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
