It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There are leaves in my underwear?
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