i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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