i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
