porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
