Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
