..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
