Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
