The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
