I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
