So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
