i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
