Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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