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can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize