I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
