He is such a slut. More and more my type.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
