I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
