How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
