How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize