I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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