he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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