On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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