I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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