carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
