i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You made out with two different species that night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
