Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize